Johnny Baxley

Kindle Fire Review

2011-12-28T10:03:00.000-08:00

I'm doing this tech review because a friend asked me to 'sell it to him'. I am not sure if I want to sell it, but rather give a nice little 'overall' and let decisions be made based on this. When comparing an iPad and a Kindle Fire side by side, the iPad will win. In my opinion, the iPad is still just an over-sized, overpriced iPhone, without the phone. Sure it's a tablet, with more power...but it is iOS, *sigh*. They are both tablets, but the Kindle Fire has a specific idea of what it wants to do for you and that is serving up content. That being said, it's still much more powerful than many have let on. Let's go ahead and list some features.

Kindle Fire, Landscape Mode.

--The Kindle Fire can be held in one hand, which is awesome, although it does get heavy pretty fast (though not in my strong man hands.)
--It has cloud storage, which I use for music and documents. (Free 5gb!)
--All your content purchased through the Amazon store does NOT count against your free cloud storage and you can choose to DL and re-download it anytime.
--Amazon whispersync PWNS.
--Social Media is awesome on this device.
--Battery life is comparable to other tablets. (It's pretty awesome.- I played a game, watched a 2 hour movie, and browsed the web and did other heavy wifi crap and it seemed to last forever.)
--One month of Amazon Prime for free. Netflix available if you have it.
--Great apps in the app store.
--Silk browser is fast, intuitive, and you can use Dolphin HD browser or Opera Mobile if you like.
--Can you say FLASH?

Kindle Fire next to Kindle 3

Now, the size is perfect for me. I don't want a big tablet, I have a laptop that pwns an iPad if I want to carry around something bigger. The screen real estate is big enough for spending hours on it, and it's very clear. Speakers are loud enough to use to watch movies and such, but only if it's quiet in the room you're in. Hardware specs are about the same. I won't go into detail but you can check them on each manufacturer's websites. I think I'll touch on some of the points that people like bringing up when they attempt to rip the Fire apart.

--No camera. Well... I don't need a camera on a 7" tablet, or anything larger than that. Imagine, on your laptop, that you had a front and rear-facing camera. WTF would you need both for? I have one that fits in my pocket, and on my phone for emergency snapshots. While I think a front-facing camera would rock for Skypechat and such, I still wouldn't want one for any other reason.
--Screen Size. Again, it's perfect for me. I have a laptop with a 15 inch screen, and a netbook with a 10" screen. Both of which kick the iPad's ass.
--App Store: Amazon Appstore is limited compared to the Google Android Appstore, HOWEVER, you can still download apps you're not supposed to. I have already installed Google maps, Dropbox, Tweetdeck, and more. It's easy.
--No GPS, no 3g. Location aware apps can usually use WiFi, and No need for GPS when WiFi is so much faster, and is EVERYWHERE.
--No hard buttons. Really? It's a tablet. Who cares. Ah- there is one hard button- on the bottom to power off. I found it inconvenient and hitting it often, but after a couple of days I am aware of it, and if you want just flip it over so it's on top. Not the worst thing in the world.

I can't remember completely, but I'm pretty sure you have to click on an icon to do anything on the iPad. I like the carousel on the Kindle Fire. It let's you open documents, books, play music, and open any applications right from the home screen. It feels like more of an OS, and lends an air of real computing, at least to me. Below is a video of me navigating around the Kindle Fire. HD 720p available. BTW My fingers are calloused and sometimes don't work well with touch screens. I'm getting some lotion.

I thought it would be just a delivery platform for content, and it is all that, but much more. The social tools are amazing, and It turned out to be a powerful web machine. I can see it being used for some business application, but I have yet to implement it. The iPad rendered most sites faster than the Silk browser, but not all, and not enough to make me care. One of iOS's mega downfalls is the absence of FLASH. Most of the Internets is flash, so that's an easy decision for me when I buy a media-centered tablet, but it's up to you, really, if you want it or not. iOS does have work-arounds but I can't stand living without full browser rendering capabilities.

Gaming on the Kindle Fire is...well...gaming on any tablet. I am a hardcore gamer and have dedicated equipment and a fortress of a computer designed to make my headshots count, right down to a specially weighted mouse. Precision is not something you're going to get in a tablet. Even so, I was surprised at the gameplay and graphics on the Fire. Below is a video of Dead Space. HD 720p available. There are plenty of games, including some pretty amazing HD games, and all the classics for you Angry Birds type of gamers.

It all comes down to what is right for you. What will you use it for? The iPad is a nice machine, and if someone gave me one I would take it, but I'd probably trade it for something else that fit my needs. I was really surprised in exploring the Kindle Fire, it was much more than I expected, and has great potential.

The American Way?

2011-12-14T10:19:00.000-08:00

If the American way is bigger and better, I wanted to apply that to my dinner. I really wanted a sandwich. I decided on coleslaw and green beans for sides, but had to cancel that plan after the size of this thing became evident in my reality. Honestly, I didn't eat it all. I just wanted to make a big ass sando.

Here's the list of ingredients: An entire loaf of bread, one pound of bacon, half pound of roasted chicken, half pound of turkey, forty pepperoni slices, half head of lettuce, three large eggs, six pickle slices, half of a large red onion, mayo, and mustard. HOLY CRAP this is big! #singleliferules

Yellow Squash Pancakes!

2011-12-11T21:52:00.001-08:00

I think everyone should eat something different at least once a week. I eat something new several times a week, although I don't always blog about it. Cooking does take time... Tonight I had a piece of meat, and squash and green onion pancakes. All the ingredients of a pancake minus sugar and maybe butter, substituting sea salt, pepper, garlic, squash, and green onions. They are smashing! I added a tomato sauce, and discovered that it overpowered the pancakes. I brushed it aside as they were moist enough and savory enough to eat solo. The meat could have used more moisture. Overcooked meat is still meat and I gnawed on it like a caveman. I had more pancakes than shown in the pic below and ate every last one of them. I'd post the recipe if I got some comments every once in awhile.

As always, click the picture to enlarge. (If you don't know this by now you need to seriously catch up on the WWW revolution.)

Total Taco Tummy Tremor Tray

2011-12-04T22:01:00.001-08:00

This is my mini taco bar. My personal taco station. My total taco tummy tremor tray. Oh yeah, The base is beef chorizo and egg with green pepper and onion. I also added some serious spices to slap my tongue around like a POW in a labor camp (that is so not PC to say, but I said it.) Sour cream, shredded sharp cheddar, and some random Mexican salsa I picked up. Also- some very small hard taco shells that were eight years old. They were quite nice, actually. The last little saucy bit on the rectangle dish is the holy revelation of heat. It's about two million SHU of pain, with a vinegar and tomato kick. My 'Last Caress' hot sauce. It's delicious and fun now, but later I expect an E.R. visit.

More grub in ma belly.

2011-12-02T12:08:00.000-08:00

Not going to rave about this, just post pics. As always- click to enlarge. First one: burgers on buttered onion rolls with bacon, 1/2 onion each (sauteed), pepper-jack, cheddar, and pickles.

Zucchini in a tomato sauce.

Potatoes with stuff.

Real Men Bake Bread PART 3

2011-12-01T11:46:00.001-08:00

I made a white(top middle), a wheat(top left), and some free form table bread that I always make(top right). I don't know how I timed it all, but it happened... The perfect white sandwich bread. I'm almost there. The first rise was fast. The second rise was fast enough, and I had to keep an eye on it so it wouldn't go crazy in the bread pan. It would have looked like a giant rectangular muffin had I ignored it. It was fluffy- like rabbits and shit. The crumb wasn't as tight as I wanted but it held together just fine and tasted wonderful!

Everyday eating indeed!

Here's the recipe:

Ingredients

1/2 cup water at 110 degrees
1/2 cup warm milk
1/8 cup melted butter
1 Tbsp. sugar
1 tsp. instant yeast
1/4 cup wheat bran
1 tsp. sea salt
Approx. 3 cups bread flour
1 tablespoon of Vital Wheat Gluten

Mix ingredients. Knead. Let rise until doubled. Punch dough down and form loaf in loaf pan. Let rise until desired height. Cook for 30 minutes at 375 degrees. BAM.

My other loaf was a whole wheat loaf. Shorter, dense, and not my favorite. I don't recommend. I just threw a bunch of ingredients together and hoped it would be wonderful. It wasn't. I won't post the recipe but I will post a picture. It's totally edible, and yummy, but not for sandwiches.

meh.

Real Men Bake Bread PART 2

2011-12-01T11:39:00.001-08:00

Sandwiches. Oh yeah. Burgers. Mmm. Sliders. NOM NOM NOM. I'm coming up with some sliders on my dinner menu this week, and needed some buns. It turns out, I had a failed white bread dough that worked well for the occasion. My white bread did not rise well enough for a loaf on the first rise, so I decided to punch it down, flatten it out, and use a mason jar to cut out the shapes for my buns. I let them rest for twenty minutes, sprayed with water, sprinkled sesame seeds on top, and stuck'em in the oven at 350 for 40 minutes. They are the perfect size, after rising in the oven. They are a tad too crispy for my taste, but I'll eat them nonetheless. I suppose I was going to toast them anyway.

never toss a failed experiment.

PART 3

Real Men Bake Bread

2011-12-01T10:54:00.001-08:00

I've been busy. I've been in a real sandwich kind of mood, so I needed lots of bread. I also plan on doing pasta and soup this cold week- whats better to enhance it all than bread? A crapload of bread! I made so many different loaves- I'm excited.....and full. I'm going to have to split these posts so you don't lose focus, as I know you all can't concentrate on one thing for more than a few minutes whilst on the internets... My first loaf was a rye bread. It was also my first experience with making a rye. I think this recipe was off of food.com. Kneading was tough, and I didn't think it would rise. Well, the first rise was not quite enough as the recipe called for twenty minutes and it had not yet doubled in size- so I let it go an hour and then ninety minutes on the second rise. They were beautiful. 30 minutes at 400 degrees.

Balls.


Look at all that grain!

The smell was faint, until I cut into one. The caraway seed threw that familiar rye scent in my face, and I thought it was perfect. The crumb was extremely tight and it cut really well. I did worry that it wasn't cooked long enough, as it was too moist in the center, then I realized that it hadn't even been two minutes since I pulled it from the oven. Add to that- the tappy-tap test confirmed it. Next time, a full 10-15 minute wait will prelude my slicing.

omg omg omg.

I decided to make a sandy sando sammy sammich and eat it while it was still warm. Pastrami, pepperoni, peppery white cheese, and some pickles I sliced up. A little horseradish went a long way and was amazing with the rye.

WINNING.

Here's the recipe:

3 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 (1/4 ounce) packages active dry yeast
1 tablespoon caraway seed
1 tablespoon salt
1/3 cup molasses
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon sugar
3 1/2 cups rye flour
cooking oil
2 cups water

Directions:

In large bowl, combine all-purpose flour, salt, cocoa, yeast, and caraway seed.

Heat and stir molasses, butter, sugar, 2 cups water and 2 Tablespoons oil until warm (about 110°-115°F).

Add to dry mixture.

Beat at low speed on electric mixer 1/2 minutes, scraping bowl.

Beat 3 minutes at high speed.

Then by hand, stir in enough rye flour to make a soft dough.

Turn out onto lightly floured surface; knead till smooth (about 5 minutes).

Cover, and let rest 20 minutes. (I went 60)

Punch down dough.

Divide in half.

Shape into 2 round or oval loaves on greased baking sheets.

Brush with small amount of cooking oil.

Slash tops with knife. (I didn't do this, but I may next time.)

Cover; let rise until double (45-60 minutes). (I went 90)

Bake at 400 degrees for 25-30 minutes.

Remove from baking sheets, place on racks to cool.

Some things to consider for this recipe:

When you cover for a rise- spray some plastic wrap with cooking spray and cover, then cover with a towel.
Don't overheat the molasses mix- it takes forever to cool down!

PART 2

YUM!

2011-11-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

So me mum went to Italy and brought me back some olive oil. Let's hope it rocks. I'm going to make some table bread and try this oil. BTW- those lovely baguettes I make for you all- I made a video tutorial on my method so that you may make them yourself. I am currently editing and will stick it up when I get around to it. Woot.

It was worth the wait

2011-11-16T22:38:00.001-08:00

So it's 12AM and I just ate dinner. It was worth the wait. I bought this bacon wrapped, cheese and herb stuffed London broil. Freakin awesome. I would have done it myself but, hey, it saved me 20 minutes- and it was cheap! The yellow and red potatoes were parboiled then fried, and dusted with pink sea salt and Parmesan cheese. I later used some Trader Joe's organic red sauce (ketchup) with it, as the taters were a little too fleshy. If they were cut smaller, I could have eaten them without any sauce. The zucchini is organic and cooked with only butter and Tellicherry pepper. I ate it in 4 minutes. Now it's digesting, and I'm going to plan dessert. Look at the masterpiece below that is making its way through my intestines as I type this.

I could liquefy this and slurp it through a crazy-straw.

Heart Attack

2011-11-16T18:46:00.001-08:00

Cookie Sandwiches (Cream Cheese Frosting)

I may die tonight. If I make it to the ER alive, please bring me some more of these. I managed to eat three, but almost vomited on my dog, when she was begging for a scrap.

Don't eat these without medical supervision.

Stomach Content Update

2011-11-16T16:35:00.001-08:00

I know I haven't posted my dinner in awhile, so let me catch you up on my dinner last week. I didn't have much to eat- some chicken, some cheese, and that's about it. I wanted some pizza. Here's how it happened: I made some nice pizza sauce with herbs and spices and tomato sauce from the pantry. I boiled the chicken in a vegetable bouillon. I used 3 cups of flour, one tablespoon of sugar and one of salt, 1.25 tablespoons of yeast, and one cup of water at 108 degrees and made a nice dough. I let it rise for an hour then rolled it out into a nice round shape. I applied the sauce, cheese, chicken (that I cut up), and more cheese. I baked for 20 minutes or so and it came out looking like a champ.


This thing is huge. Yeah- that's cheddar AND mozzarella.

I ate that puppy fast. All but two slices remained by the time I was finished. I was full, and happy. The crust was wonderful. It was the perfect size and density and held up well with the heavy toppings. It was yeasty and earthy- everything a crust should be. Did I mention that I brushed it with melted butter and garlic before topping it? Well, I did. Then I did it again after it was cooked.

I destroyed this SOB.

Midnight Snack

2011-10-19T01:22:00.000-07:00

Pork loin with some fried onions and maple syrup BBQ sauce. Warm spinach salad with a heavy hand of Gorgonzola cheese and loads of bacon tossed with some light vinaigrette.

OMG I ate late. It was worth it.

Only took an hour and twenty to roast this.

As you can see, it is not wilted, just warm. The leaves are still beautiful. 15 seconds is all it takes.

Johnny Make Food

2011-10-07T21:53:00.000-07:00

High yield today. Two loaves of sando bread- came out wonderful- like always. There is a picture below the video of a whole loaf sliced up the way I like it. It has lovely texture and color and holds together while spreading rough peanut butter over it. I also tried my first braided bread. Ever. I decided to add some bling to the loaf. I couldn't just braid dough and call it a day so some almonds and farmer's cheese with an egg wash did the trick. It has a savory theme, and it paired well with my grease dinner. I also made some chocolate chip muffins and some apple and cinnamon muffins (these are the big ass muffins, not wimpy ones). Oh...another thing..I had to pulverize some nanas and make an assortment of banana bread. Today I went sans nuts in the recipe because the bananas were very fruity and I wanted that hint of tart mush in my earthy crusty bread. MMMM. Some salsa is in there too, but it was a couple of days ago. It's great- I made a total of eight pints (two whole and the rest half pints.) It is potent- made with the Bhut Jolokia- and meant to be combined with some other salsa IF you are a sissy mouth. If not, the half pints still go a long way. The flavor is wonderful and contains corn and black beans, as well as raw sugar and agave nectar. Here's a video in case you can't read (Watch in HD, if you've graduated from dial-up.):

YUM YUM YUM

This is perfect for sandwiches and with some mods, it makes a great table bread.

Gremerican Lunch

2011-09-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

Yo. It's simple, fast, and delicious. Flank steak (cut uber thin from the butcher's counter), pan fried with herbs and water added during the last 5 minutes of cooking, leeks- fully saturated with butter, and a simple tzatziki served over a bed of couscous seasoned only with salt, pepper, and a tablespoon of butter. Nom Nom, bitches.

All Kansas, Baby.

2011-09-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

Ribs. I found Baby Backs on special for 3.99/lb. I bought 2 fresh and meaty racks from the butcher's counter. I rubbed them and massaged them until my mixture of mustard powder,garlic powder, thyme, ginger, onion powder, pepper, sea salt, and basil thoroughly penetrated the flesh. I then poured in 10 oz of cola, a cup of water, and 4 tablespoons of vinegar along with 1/2 cup of BBQ sauce. I baked at 350 for 1 hour, then finished those sombitches off on the grill for another hour using indirect heat, while gently but completely coating the ribs with Gates BBQ sauce (original). The cornbread is made from scratch. I used AP flour, bread flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, buttermilk, oil, eggs, salt, and jalapenos. I made an entire 9x14", 2" pan AND had more batter so I made cornbread muffins as well. Guess I'll be sharing. They weren't very sweet, which is just how I wanted them as I intended to dab them in honey during my meal. I did, and it f&#&* rocked. The salad is very simple and went well with the theme. I got some Jicima, cucumber, and radishes. Tossed them with vinegar, oil, wine, and dill seed, poppy seed, salt, and pepper. Chilled for an hour. YUM. So, That's my meal. Took me a few hours, which I don't like, but at least I have enough to eat for a few days.

Click me for big.

Breakfast for Dinner

2011-09-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Holy shit. I almost cried when I plated this up. I fried two eggs in a perfect circle, topped with bacon, spicy pork sausage cooked in bacon grease, sauteed Vidalia onions and green peppers, and fried Yukon golds, and red potatoes. NOM NOM NOM. It was religious.

Click me for HiRes.

Mac and Cheese, if you Please

2011-09-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

I wanted some Macaroni and Cheese, but not the processed kind that undergoes extreme molecular recombination and gets washed in chemical baths. I wanted real cheese. I used a block of jack, a block of cheddar, and a block of Gouda. A cup of buttermilk and a cup of whole milk, with some pepper, and that's the sauce. Instead of traditional elbow macaroni I used Cavatappi. I just love those textured spirals. I wanted some meat, naturally, so I used some smoked sausage that is very high in nitrates and preservatives and other crap. Great.

Click me to Enlarge.

Pork. Gnocchi. Red Sauce.

2011-08-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

This is dinner tonight. A spicy homemade pork sausage, finely diced, completes a simple Sicilian pasta sauce, with Gnocchi. A few pinches of Parmesan cheese, and that, my friends, is magic.

Johnny B. Hungry

2011-08-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

I picked up some nice things and fed myself an interim meal. We have Calabrese salami with a thinly sliced dill pickle, Prosciutto rolled with Havarti cheese, and Capocollo wrapped with a small bunch of Parmesan, Then I picked up some Gorgonzola flavored crackers and threw that crap on the plate. Yeah, it was good.

Dessert

2011-08-10T19:11:00.000-07:00

Just had to make more Amish friendship bread. I went a little smaller this time and got 3 cute and little (but heavy) loaves. I froze one, ate one, and gave one away. It makes a wonderful dessert when heated and eaten with a banana and/or home made ice cream. I lost my starter do to an unfortunate accident so if any of you who received any from me would like to give one back I'd be grateful.

Glorious

2011-08-10T15:10:00.000-07:00

Because I have been busy, I decided I needed a proper meal. This is it. BBQ everything. BBQ Steak, zuchinni, shrimp, and mashed potatoes. Let the excess nourishment speak for itself.

I had to use three plates and a ramekin.

A 13 ounce sirloin. ZARDA BBQ sauce. Shrimp cooked in sauce as well. All 3/4 pound of them.

These mashed are from yukon golds, russet browns, and red potatoes. 1 pound of bacon added for yum factor.

SPICY Q zuchini. Still have wonderful crunch. Lemon juice, black pepper, brown sugar, tomato powder, garlic, onions, red chili flakes, and sage.

Amish Friendship Bread

2011-07-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

I was lucky enough to receive a starter for some Amish friendship bread. It was very easy, and the instructions are simple. If anyone wishes to have some, send me a SASE and I'll send you a starter, for free! It came out perfect, and tastes divine. The instructions are below the pictures of the wonderful bread. Keep in mind that I used bread flour, and whole milk. Some substitutions may or may not affect your recipe. Nuts might be a nice add-on, as well as bran and oats. (Sorry but my camera's battery was dead and all I had was a crappy iPhone, so the picture is left wanting more detail, but you get the idea.)

AMISH FRIENDSHIP BREAD

Do not use metal spoons, forks, or bowls. Only wood, plastic, ceramic, or similar.

Do not refrigerate.

If air gets in the bag, let it escape.

It is normal for the starter to rise, bubble, and ferment.

DAY 1	Do nothing. This is the day you receive the bag.
DAY 2	Mush the bag.
DAY 3	Mush the bag.
DAY 4	Mush the bag.
DAY 5	Mush the bag.
DAY 6	Add to the bag: 1 c. flour, 1 c. sugar, 1 c. milk, then mush the bag.
DAY 7	Mush the bag.
DAY 8	Mush the bag.
DAY 9	Mush the bag.

DAY 10

Bake the bread using the following directions below:

1. Pour entire contents of bag into a non-metallic mixing bowl.

2. Add 1 1/2 cup flour, 1 1/2 cup sugar, and 1 1/2 cup milk and mix well.

3. Measure out 4 separate cups of batter and place each into a heavy duty ziploc bag. Keep a starter for yourself and give the other three away along with a copy of the directions. (Should this not be passed on to friends on the first day, be sure and indicate which day the bag is at when presented to them.)

4. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

5. To the remaining batter in the bowl, add:

3 eggs

1 cup oil or 1/2 cup applesauce.

1/2 cup milk

1 cup sugar

2 tsp sugar

1/2 tsp vanilla

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

2 c flour

1 large box instant vanilla pudding

6. Prepare two large loaf pans as follows:

Mix 1/2 cup sugar and 1 1/2 tsp cinnamon in a small bowl. Grease the pans and dust he greased pans with half the mixture.

7. Pour batter into the 2 pans and sprinkle the remaining sugar mixture over the top. Remember, the pans should be filled only 3/4 full.

8. Bake 1 hour.

Cool until bread loosens from pan evenly (about 10 minutes) Serve warm or cold.

If you keep a starter for yourself, you will be baking bread every 10 days. The bread is very good and makes a great dish. Only the Amish know how to create the starter so if you give them all away then you'll have to wait until you are lucky enough for someone to give you one back.

http://johnnybaxley.com

Jalapeno Cornbread

2011-05-27T13:46:00.000-07:00

I used a basic recipe for cornbread from scratch, and changed it completely. The new recipe contains AP flour, baking powder, sugar, nearly a dozen eggs, butter, milk, cornmeal, jalapenos, red pepper flakes, cheddar cheese, pepperjack cheese, and water. As always, if you want the recipe just ask for it. That way I know someone is reading this :) It actually made a pan and a third, so I had to use an improvised dish as I only have the one cake pan. Here's the finished product, fluffy, well risen, and a lustrous golden brown:

The inside was just how I imagined it would be, speckled with jalapenos, and a slight visibility of the cheese. Wonderfully moist, golden, and grainy in the mouth. The perfect amount of sweet mixed with an imperfect amount of spice. Yep, not spicy enough. I wanted to keep the spice at the mild-level, but I de-seeded and de-veined. Next time I'll use every part of the pepper. Nevertheless, the jalapenos still impart that unique, yet understated, vegetable taste and spice in random bites. The red pepper flakes add some heat, but overall, it's more like tasting some Tellicherry on the tip of your tongue. Next time, more peppers and more cheese.

I did not want to let the lack of heat determine my success or failure, so I whipped up a sauce for the cornbread. It's a strained, tomato-based sauce with a crapload of Mexican spices in it. I call it: Cornbread Mix 5/25. Pretty creative, I know. Unlike the generic name, the sauce rocks. It's just the right thickness to penetrate the top layer of bread without making it so soggy as to render it inedible with your hands. Not too, spicy, but just enough. WOOT! Job well done!

Someone is getting lucky.

2011-05-25T11:45:00.000-07:00

I have been neglecting my baking needs for a week or two. I just had to whip up something. Let's take a photo recap of what I made yesterday. I wanted a sandwich but had no bread and refused to buy any, so I had to make two loaves. Of course they are beautiful, but my desired dark brown on brown crust was a dark golden brown. I thought the humid weather affected the bread but after careful review of my process, I deduced that some cooking spray accidentally coated the top of my dough before it went in the oven. Fair enough, it tastes the same as always, and the second rise was completely manageable and high. I made a whole wheat bread with a failed rise, so I'll just leave that brick out of this blog post.

Sandwiches, M#&$f#&* Eggs in a Basket, or French Toast, your choice.

Second, the cupcakes. Yes yes yes. These are red velvet cupcakes with a cream cheese filling and frosting on top. I made the frosting with cream cheese, vanilla, butter, and a shitload of powdered sugar, beaten with a fork for 20 minutes. It's perfectly smooth and freaking delicious. I had twenty four cupcakes, now I have 19. When you bite into them, the cake is perfectly moist, and the surprise filling is the perfect accompaniment for the silky smooth cupcake. I could't make the topside icing perfect and pretty, as I don't have cake decorating supplies, but I think I did a decent job with a ziplock bag.

Original Sin right here, folks.

This is the final yield, all purty like:

No, I will not marry you.

Dinner

2011-05-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

Nothing special about this, just the Goliath portions I consumed. We have two K.C. strips, one Italian sausage (I cooked four, for seconds), cottage cheese, zucchini, brown and wild rice, and a pickle. Dinner is served, champ.

I eat some good sh*t.

2011-05-18T22:49:00.000-07:00

So, it isn't just the nice round sirloin, braised in a blend of spices I grew, and the awesome A1 sauce I used because I didn't have time to make some from scratch, but it's the veg. Not just the white asparagus (not technically a vegetable, though) that I happen to encounter on sale whenever I feel like asparagus, but the sauce that goes on it. Woweee. I didn't want to make a Hollandaise again, so I whipped up something experimental. Turns out, the sauce was ten times better on the steak. I used sour cream, pureed Vidalia onions, a little milk for controlling thickness, fresh garlic, vegetable oil, sea salt, black pepper, parsley for color, and sugar. It's the bee's knees, baby.

Today's Yield

2011-05-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

Five hours work for a pretty nice assortment, I'd say. I made a pan of fudge brownies, four baguettes, two awesome loaves, and two sando loaves. I am sharing some, eating some, and giving some away.


I pwn.

The sandwich loaves came out looking wonderful, again. I have perfected this recipe and am very happy with it. Next I'll try for a multigrain bread but for now, it works for my PB&J, my processed meat, and my bacon-only sandwiches.


Beautiful crust is hard out of the oven, and chewy within minutes. You could go darker if you wanted to.

Last time I made this I didn't post a pic of the cut bread so here ya go. To get perfect sandwich-sized slices, I generally refrigerate it, tightly wrapped, and cut it right out of the fridge, then heat it up. The taste is yeasty, with wheat and grain hitting your tongue after every chomp. @%@ #% A!


Got myself a damn bread knife, finally.

Next up, same, lovely baguettes. Although I didn't form two of them perfectly, they turned out well; large and that consistent golden brown I like. The green plastic-wrapped ones are formed like champions.

Baguettes.

Last up, the pepper bread. I have been working on a jalapeno and cheddar bread for awhile. I have made some wonderful sweet breads, but I needed something fluffy. This is. It is near perfection. I am going to add cornmeal next time, that's all it's missing, IMHO.


Great crust, mottled with cheese and peppers.

It has some spice to it, as I didn't de-seed anything, but it's subtle. For any pepper hotter than this, I would de-seed. I ate two rather large slices a few minutes out of the oven but had to stop myself so I'd have some left to bring to work for peeps to share! I think toasting this bread and spreading some cream cheese on it would RULE.

1337 pWn.

Kindle Screenpack

2011-04-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

I jailbroke my Kindle and added a new set of screensavers. Some were already made, some I made, all are formatted for the Kindle 3, standard size. If you would like the images you must be browsing this post on FB as I am including a public dropbox link. The pack also contains the latest Jailbreak .bins and the latest SSHack .bins if you haven't downloaded them already.

Perfect Results.

2011-04-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

I made some wonderful banana, bran, and walnut muffins. They are moist, well formed, and tease with a hint of cinnamon. The bran feels wonderful while chewing, and is so good for you! Naturally, I had to counter the healthy side with a lovely glaze on top. I have to share these before I eat them all!

Next up - the baguettes. Today I made four of them. The egg wash provides a consistent golden color that I expect when I make these. The key is using the rolling pin to flatten them evenly, using measuring tape, for precise length and width, and keeping the roll tight. They are delicious, simple, and are great to snack on.

Last: My sandwich loaf. I was trying so hard to get a sweet loaf, I never considered the quality of the flour. This is, by far, my best sandy loaf ever! The crust is everything I ever wanted. Dark, rich brown, but not hard. My recipe is perfect. I use yeast, water, sea salt, oat flour, wheat flour, bread flour, vital wheat gluten, honey, and sugar. I felt like I had total control over my rises, and they rose fast! Cook time is only 30 minutes at 2 different temps; higher than average. It's a fast loaf, and I am using it to make some meat sandwiches. Woot!

BAWLS

2011-04-22T07:32:00.000-07:00

Short blog: I have had the pleasure of tasting new Bawls. A 1337 g33k beer, with a crapload of caffeine. I enjoy the energy drink of the same name, and, although not my favorite, it is still unique and refreshing whenever I get my hands on it. The root beer is slightly spicy, with a load of sweet to cover up the massive dose of concentrated caffeine. That, combined with an energy enhanced crunchy snack that is Gamer Grub, is a recipe for PWN.

Click pic for larger view.

BAM!

2011-04-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I baked for several hours. I made more peanut butter and nut bread - it was well received. I made more baguettes because they are fast, easy, require little ingredients, and taste divine. I like just munching on a baguette fresh out of the oven. I made my lovely table bread- which is becoming a weekly thing, as I wolf down half a loaf in one sitting. I made two loaves of Shira's whole wheat bread. Everything was working out until I put them in the oven, then they deflated some. :( I believe it's the AP flour I am using. Everytime I use it, whether I use Vital Wheat Gluten or not, they do not rise properly. Or deflate. Or they don't rise at all. When I use my bread flour I can get extra rise with the VWG or just go without, and I get perfect rises every time.

This is half of what I made yesterday.

Beside the baguettes and table bread and peanut butter bread, my other success was a pan full of sandwich flats. I used bread flour, whole wheat flour, oat flour, salt, water, and yeast. They are pretty easy in that rise (more like rest) time is about 20 minutes. Basically mix, knead, and roll. Let sit, cook 30 minutes and BAM! Done. I scored the tops and sprinkled oats and flax seed on there as well. You should cut them in half but you must use a very thin very sharp knife. If you aren't skilled with sharp things, you can squash two of them down for your top and bottom. That kind of defeats the purpose, for me.

Cooling on the rack, the bread aroma is teasing me. Getting hungry.

As you can see, split in half, the sandwich flats make a wonderful container for your lunch ingredients. They really hold up well if you cut them evenly. I had soggy pickles, hot bacon grease, lumpy peppers, and mayo, and this bread did not break.


Couldn't wait. Warm bread and a sando. It was top notch.

Johnny Bake Bread Real Good Like. Uh Huh.

2011-03-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

I decided to spend some quality time in the kitchen yesterday. My friend, Adam, semi-requested some more baked goods from the house of Baxley Support and Sales so I submitted a support ticket to the oven and this is the response it gave me:

I had to time these just right as all the loaves had different cook temps.

First, I made the boule. A recipe I've been working on for a month... I think I got it. Tis a round loaf, with just the right balance of wheat flour, hard white wheat flour (bread flour), vital wheat gluten, salt, honey, and yeast. I had problems in the oven until I experimented with high then low temperatures. It requires constant attention, and is easy to burn. I can pretty much trust my stove but this one is unpredictable. Cook time is 15 to 35 minutes. It produces a wonderful crispy brown crust that quickly becomes that perfect chewy container for the excellent yeasty/salty ratio. Texture is soft, with some chew factor. The wheat adds just enough grain but it's not like eating crumbs at all. This is my favorite bread so far. A table bread, it is perfect for oil and vinegar, butter, toast, soup, whatever.

This one came out perfect, I threw oats and sesame seeds on top. I love oats!

Next I made my sandwich loaves. I, like all from-scratch bread-bakers, strive to create the perfect sandwich loaf. We love sandos! We bake bread. We want out sandos on our own bread. I have great success with buns, so burgers are good on my own bread, but a nice cold cut or PB&J sando is what I've been dying for. Trying to make a fluffy, soft textured, mild tasting bread that won't fall apart while eating is the goal. Well, it looked wonderful out of the oven, browned as I had planned it...


Looking good so far! Can't wait to cut into it!

Once I sliced it, I was amazed. It was near my version of perfection for a sando bread. Light, great texture, and wonderfully mild. I do have improvements, however. #1 improvement: Replace 1/2 sugar with honey. #2 improvement: Add egg for more structural integrity. (Flax meal would be a good egg substitute). Even though my knife was a great buy at eight bucks, it needs to be thinner for sandwich bread. #3 improvement: Get a really nice bread knife. Other than those things, it is almost a perfect sandy loaf.


The bread is wonderful. Mild on the mouth, heaven in the body.

Last up: The baguettes. Been wanting to do a nice french bread for a while. Chewy, chewy, soft center, chewy, chewy. That's my mission. Status: success. I surprisingly used a small amount of flour, and had to bust out the rolling pin. An egg wash finished the giant bread stick, and it was so good I ate half of it before it was fully cooled. I ate the rest of one of them with my pasta.

These a pretty long. About 18 inches from end to end. About 3-ish inches at the fattest point.

Well there ya have it. A wonderful day of success. I am getting better and better as time goes on. The right tools help out a lot, but the real trick is getting to know your yeast. How are its rise times in your own kitchen? What does it like or dislike when eating? To proof or not to proof? Some things that also worked for me:

Slow or small rises=Not warm enough or yeast not proofed
Slow or small rises=Instant yeast doesn't need proofing (depends on ingredients)
Try cooking bread with instant yeast after the first rise for a uniquely dense and yeasty bread
Cover tightly during the first rise with plastic wrap. This made a HUGE difference for me. Rise times cut in half and increased in size!
Know your dough. Never pay attention to knead times. When it's done it's done. That's why all my recipes just say, "Knead."
Vital wheat gluten (you CAN use it with bread flour for fantastic fluff)
Experiment with higher temperatures when using mixed flour recipes
Always use steam, even with egg washes. You can remove if bread is browning too fast. I use a water bottle and just spray into stove for extra steam in addition to my water sitting in the stove.
Use adjuncts!
Always use less wheat flour than you think you need, unless it's all wheat. Same goes for oat flour.
Sweet bread is the sh*t. If you have a so-so loaf of bread, paired with a sweet bread, you are winning.

Cocunut and Burger Buns

2011-03-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

Coconut Sweet Bread. Yum. It's straight up sweet with some crunchy nuts on top. That is all.

Next up- I made some wheat hamburger buns. The wheat created a nice, pronounced flavor and texture for the meat. I added a 1/4 teaspoon each of garlic powder and black pepper for a lovely kick. They are too grainy for everyday burger-eating (just my preference), but absolutely delicious, and they really held up well while consuming them, johnny-style (messy, fast, and violent). I had two of them, and a shitload of cottage cheese. Yeah.

Burrito Time

2011-03-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

What we have here is spicy sausage, potatoes, sauteed yellow onions and jalapenos, lettuce, sour cream, salsa, cheese, and rice with peppers onion, turmeric, and spices. Oh yeah. It's La Mission style, without the grease on the griddle. Needless to say it put me into a three hour coma.

Mega dose. Good for peaceful sleep, and digestion.

Dead Bread Redemption

2011-02-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

So... my only loaf on Wednesday was a half wheat half white bread that just refused to rise. I need the Vital Wheat gluten. Commercial AP flour doesn't cut it, and whole wheat flour has completely different properties all together. The bread did rise, just not as much as I wanted it to. It looked great, just short. Not very happy with it overall.

Thursday, I decided to make a nice, light, fluffy bread. Everything was going as expected. The second rise either didn't poof like it was supposed to, or I was too scared it would deflate for some reason. I know I proofed the yeast correctly- I know how to work with yeast. I believe it was the problem with the proteins again. Regardless the end product turned out pretty good, in the form of a nice dinner bread to pull apart and use in olive oil and vinegar, or to sop up your dinner slop. The aesthetics are impressive, and I felt I had control over the amount of browning. So my original plan failed, but an alternative use prevailed.

Last, I completely redeemed myself. Although a quickbread, it still takes some effort to make one correctly. I used flour, salt, baking soda, water, oil, sugar, an egg, butter, and the rest of the grub. My very own recipe I just made up on the fly. Of course, there are similar recipes, but they are all similar in the core ingredients. I actually wrote this one down, so I could reproduce it. I give you the Jalapeno Cheddar Beer and Bacon Bread. It is surprisingly sweet, with a tease of heat, but no delivery. It is freaking yummy. It made one large 9x5 pan and a small 8x3 pan. Would make three 8x3 pans if you were so inclined. As you can see in the picture, I devoured over half of the small loaf in about 60 seconds. I couldn't even wait for it to cool! It is the absolute, end-all-life-as-we-know-it-in-your-face-omnomnom-BOMB.

Going to get some proper ingredients and tools this weekend, and make some lovely loaves. My sourdough starter is thriving, and I am excited to get into that next week.

Mo' Bread

2011-02-22T23:20:00.000-08:00

I made a sourdough starter today. Fed once after 12 hours and feeding again tomorrow, and everyday until next week when I make my first sourdough. Luckily where I live now- El Kansas, is a place of abundant grain. Lucky bread! Today was a busy day- I'll keep it short as I have many things to show you.

First- The banana bread. Simple, and delicious. I ate half of it before I could get a picture!


Moist and ubernana-ey. I made three 8x4 loaves.

Next, I made rosemary and olive oil table bread. The shape was beautiful, courtesy of my hand(s). The taste was more earthy and yeasty than I expected, but the aroma of Rosemary slithered through the cracks and filled my entire upstairs with a scent not unlike bath salts and incense (mixed with yeast). I have to say that my homemade herb butter (shallots, garlic, vermouth, sea salt, lemon juice, cream) transformed the bread into the stuff of legends.

Unexpected taste, but worked as planned. I still don't have a bread knife.

Finally, I made a jalapeno and cheddar wheel. It started out as a round loaf but turned into a wheel with the weight of it all. First and second rising was perfect, only I used too many peppers and too much cheese. Although delicious, the peppers added too much moisture. I believe cooking at a higher temperature- say 450, would have been beneficial. I think next round I'll use less peppers (cheese isn't that full of moisture, and didn't affect the dough surrounding it like the peppers did.). I just cooked it longer, which resulted in a crispier crust (still delicious.). It still retained too much moisture for my pleasure, but it is filling and works better as toast. Tomorrow I shall make a fluffier, less dense version.

It still taste real good-like. And sho is purty.

Ideas for this week:

Energy supplement enhanced loaf.
F*#@ing FIRE bread (bread with bhut jolokia peppers from my garden last summer).
Multi-Grain Bread
Strains of yeast from my local home-brew shop as flavoring agents.

I can't stop now. I think I need counseling.

HONEY WHOLE WHEAT BREAD w/homemade BUTTER

2011-02-22T00:13:00.000-08:00

My stove arrived Sunday about 1:15. and I went to work. I woke up at 8AM after a night of relaxing cocktails after work and instead of taking it easy, I put on my slippers, a hard hat, and my safety glasses and went to town. I wrestled with the old vs. new gas line, and spent most of the day installing a recycled oven hood in a spot it wasn't meant to be in. Finally, for the first time in 9 months, I have my oven range. For the first time in 3 years, I now have a working oven and broiler. I was so excited to cook, and cook I did. Roasted potatoes, meat, and some fried stuff. I wolfed it down. That isn't the best part, however - it is the crazy cool bread blog from Shira that really inspired me. I haven't made a loaf of bread in 20 years. Really. So, my first attempt in a new and freshly seasoned stove was an epic adventure of grains and adjuncts. I produced a honey whole wheat bread with a lovely honey glaze on top. This is a 1.5 pound loaf, and delicious. The crust is crusty and the inside is moist and fluffy. The honey accents the grain, but doesn't overpower it, just like I wanted. I think this bread would be perfect for toast, French toast, or just riding solo. It took 7 hours overall to rise, which let the wonderful yeast develop some complex flavors. At first I thought I didn't knead it well enough and it was too course. It turns out that when you use a crappy steak knife from the Dollar Store instead of a real bread knife, it tends to mangle your bread. *Note to self.: get some real utensils.* To accompany my triumph, I made a honey ale compound butter from scratch. I shook the crap out of the cream until my fats separated and voila: butter. Then I mashed in sea salt, ale, and honey. Frikkin' perfect to go with the bread. Recipe is below.

Honey Whole Wheat Bread

5 cups of whole wheat flour

2 1/4 teaspoons of proofed active dry yeast

1 1/4 teaspoons sea salt

3/4 cup of honey

Rise time: 3 hours to 75% in doubled size, reform and 4 hours to double in size.

Cook time: 30 minutes at 350 degrees with a pan of water and 1 topcoat of water. Remove pan, brush water then honey on top and cook additional 15 min.

Cool time: 20 minutes

Birthday Cake

2011-01-30T09:33:00.000-08:00

Liz from Fountain City Cakes surprised me the other day with a giant chili pepper...cake! It is beautiful, with subtle airbrushed color variations representing the rich undertones a chili can produce, and a glittery sheen we expect from a perfectly produced pepper. I couldn't wait to cut into it and am glad I did. Underneath was a spice cake with layers of butter cream icing that made me melt! Nom nom nom!

Good News!

2011-01-02T10:25:00.000-08:00

I am nearly finished with the groundwork required to start conducting interviews for my next piece of inky pulp. I will most likely start informally and sporadically, then progress to scheduling more formal times to ask the questions that will drive the book. Get ready...

Don't forget.

2011-01-01T11:01:00.000-08:00

I keep forgetting that you can get this for 99 cents for the Kindle. Any Kindle reader can read it. It is NOT optimized, however, and that will reflect in the formatting. Paragraphs may not be indented properly, some odd pagination occurs, and justification issues will be evident. Overall, the conversion from print to digital is decent, but for 99 cents, it shouldn't bother you. A revised, second edition, will yield a fully optimized kindle release.

Christmas Sauce!

2010-12-26T09:12:00.000-08:00

The first new release since September! We have created a wonderful holiday sauce called Santa's Secret. This is a CHOCOLATE pepper SAUCE. This is batch # 12, nearly perfected. Batch #'s 1 -11 were laborious failures and I am so very proud of batch 12. Made with dark chocolate, corn syrup, and flavor extracted from the Bhut Jolokia pepper, it will delight your taste buds, as well a your tum tum. This will go well with ice cream, tarts, any dessert which incorporates cream cheese, and mexican pastries. It is not as spicy as most of our standard batches, but spicier than the rest of the 'spicy' claims people lay to their dessert hot sauces. The chocolaty sweetness empowers your tongue to roll more of the mixture into every crevice available. You will find that with lathering your mouth hole with chocolate sauce brings some intense heat and possible pain 20-60 seconds later. YES! It's sooooooooooooo good. This is extremely low acid, and, although I have included preservative, it is not officially pressure tested in an accelerated lab simulation. Keep it refrigerated BEFORE and AFTER use. Let warm to room temperature before using. Clostridium Botulinum is out there waiting for your food handling mistakes. Just keep it in the fridge and it will be fine for 2 weeks to a month depending on how cold your food box is.

More updates soon.

2010-11-23T16:28:00.000-08:00

I am busier than ever, but have a plan to keep this blog truckin'. Iphone. I know, I know, Android or Win7 Mobile is my first choice, but for $20.00, my iphone upgrade is fast enough to let me blog on-the-go. I am going to dual boot Win mobile and IOS, so I won't completely Benedict Microsoft. See ya soon!

Slow fall and winter.

2010-10-29T10:17:00.000-07:00

It is a slow month here at the blog. Things will pick-up once the new book is released. January? Maybe? The only news I have to report is the success of my new recipes for a chocolate pepper hot sauce, and a cinnamon hot sauce (no peppers, but HOT). We'll see how the test batch turns out. In the meantime, tell people to buy my products so I can do my tech-meets-Martha Stewart shit full time. Yahoo!

Desert Eagle .50 and Cinnamon

2010-10-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

I have been very busy lately. Working on a cinnamon hot sauce. I also started a Counter-Strike community and server. I have been playing no-stop for 7,8,9 years? May as well. If you play, join me at http://killercity.org. The IP is on the front page. It is a wicked sick GunGame server running all the mods to make it fun for all ages. (I just re-read that last sentence and realized we are 18 and up only. HAHA.)

Currently have 9 Website and SysAdmins. Looking for 11-15 more. Looking for players to pupulate. No one knows we are there yet, but it's only been a couple days...

I am the Craigslist Curmudgeon

2010-10-05T08:10:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm getting old, and picky. Nah. I've been using the same etiquette that has shaped the way people communicate online for a long time. I have adjusted, innovated, and seen the birth of 1337. I have adapted, when necessary, but can't get over the hard reality that people are growing lazy, inattentive to detail, and content with being STUPID. Craigslist really chaps my hide. Case in point:

Want Sauce?

2010-09-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have some sauce I need to purge from my inventory. Some of this was made for the Village West Wine Festival. As I am taking a break and preparing for the winter (you'll see some around then..), I have to focus on my kitchen. This is a last chance to get some nice varieties before they are all gone- and because I want them gone I am offering everything for THREE DOLLARS each. That's right. $3.00 each. there aren't many so stock up while ya can. Shipping options have changed to a lower price for USPS ground or you may select local pickup which will be arranged after purchasing. All major credit cards are accepted. Cheers! Click on the image or the link below to access the VIP Store.

ACCESS STORE

Remember, this is a private cart so if you don't know me personally, I apologize in advance but I can not do business with you yet.

The Stinking Rose

2010-09-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

Made exclusively for the Village West Wine Festival, this is a tangy and sweet blast of garlic that will punch you in the mouth and tickle the back of your throat with just the right amount of mild heat. Each bottle contains the equivalent of 30 cloves of garlic. It truly is a smelly rose.

Kansas City

2010-09-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

Kansas Citians love their BBQ. I have combined the heat of my hot sauce with a traditional K.C. style BBQ sauce. Made with apple juice, molasses, cayenne peppers, green peppers, tomato powder, Worcestershire sauce, onions, garlic, chipotle peppers, and more. This is an homage to heat and barbecue. Heat level is medium to high.

Simple Heat Improved

2010-09-15T13:25:00.000-07:00

The ingredients are still the same, however xanthan gum has been added to eliminate separation and it has been double filtered to improve consistency. Label improved slightly. Still made with habaneros , orange and lemon juice, it will rock you world. Heat level is high.

Chateau Vert Malheureux

2010-09-15T13:22:00.000-07:00

Translation: My unfortunate green castle. This is where I live. The dark wonderful red wine color is achieved from ancho peppers, and the spice from jalapenos. Also flavored with Anaheim peppers, Riesling, and lime juice, this sauce is unique, and definitely has a sweetness you can count on from white grapes.

Delightful Taste With Chili Peppers to Burn Your Mouth

2010-09-15T13:18:00.000-07:00

The title of this post is the name of the sauce, literally. It's another asian style sauce with a delightful taste:) Made with pineapple juice, soy sauce, sesame oil, ginger, blue agave nectar, ginger, Thai peppers, and spices. The heat is medium to medium-high but is fleeting.

Beautiful Destroyer

2010-09-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

Same great taste, minus the pepper inside. New label, brighter color. I may switch it back to the deeper red, depending on consumer feedback. This sauce will be on shelves first... Made exclusively for Village West Winefest.

Pig in a Pepper Redux

2010-09-15T13:11:00.000-07:00

This is an improved version if Pig in a Pepper. A difficult sauce to perfect, it may be awhile before it goes public. This version is extra spicy. Made with bhut jolokia, smoke flavor, bacon flavor, turmeric, and other spices, this hot sauce will burn your mouth and you will love the pain.

Smoggy Dew

2010-09-15T13:08:00.000-07:00

This is an interesting sauce made with Guiness, honey, allspice, dried beer extract, and oleoresin capsaicin. Heat level is medium. I smothered a prime rib sandwich in it and couldn't have been more pleased. My friend, Adam, said it would upgrade some fish and chips. Google 'Foggy Dew' for the inspiration behind this sauce.

Peaches and SCREAM

2010-09-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

An improved Dirty South Dessert Hot Sauce recipe. Made with ginger, Habaneros, red pepper, black pepper, mustard, and peaches. This is hot. You will taste the sweet peach first and an almost immediate blast of heat will assault your cheeks and throat. The burning sensation subsides in less than a minute.

Village West Wine Festival

2010-09-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

I must say this year's Village West Wine Festival was a wonderful event. The location was perfect, as was the weather. The people from K.C. Cause did a great job, as they always do. Our hot sauce received positive feedback. This helped in determining which sauce will see market first, which was an unintended yet delightful surprise. I wanted people to know that you can combine heat and intense amounts of flavor for a truly unique experience. The sauce itself was granted a sneak peek, however, complimenting other food is its true 'wow' effect. At a future trade show, or festival, this will be the goal. I must say, I put in more money than I had preparing for this event. I did not plan on a festival for at least six months, but now I have the supplies to do it, so some headache will be relieved at a later date. Everyone at the festival was looking dapper, and the presentations from the vendors were lovely. On to the photos! You can click on each photo for a larger image.

The first is my table, just about complete.

It took a long time to pair this sauce with food.

It took even longer to get the displays delivered.

The Sauce Master.

I'm glad you made it, ladies, that made my day!

I had dried peppers to set out, but forgot for about two hours. I still enjoyed my setup.

Some of the auction items.

Ladies of Cheeseburger in Paradise.

Lovely autumn display.

Popping some wine, and we're not even open yet!

Pardo's. Can you say, "Yummy"?

More auction items.

Even More auction items!

Legends 14.

Jazz, my favorite place, ever.

Cabella's was serving up elk stew, so I heard!

The UV Vodka ice bar. Wow!

Ice bar different view.

Ice cooler.

I was across from these glorious peeps all night.

Boulevard. Naturally.

Tallgrass Brewing Company.

Nice design, pre-mob.

The only hardcore grill at the festival. He told me he went through 300 Italian sausages in an hour or so.

Do I even have to write anything here? Oh yes; nom nom nom!

At night, about to pack up, I realized how much sauce I have left. It's hard to make a small batch only. What to do with all of it...

I will be detailing each sauce in a post, as I always do...soon.

Ghost Dust

2010-08-30T17:41:00.000-07:00

My latest creation- made with: Course sea salt, ground Bhut Jolokia peppers, and the souls of newborn kittens. Holy $%@!, this is HOT SALT. A nice finishing salt for BBQ or other foods that usually have spice potential, but were made in a low-tolerance household. I'm keeping some of this with me at all times. I made a lighter version simply called; Ghost Salt; it's so everyone can have a taste... I re-purposed some jars for this occasion until my mustard and spice jar shipment arrives. MUSTARD! MMM! Jerky, I'm sorry, but you are on hold until fall.

Counter-Strike Source Sauce

2010-08-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

I had a test run of a garlic hot sauce for an upcoming event. I was extremely pleased with the color of the sauce; almost pure white, with very few specks of brown. Those impurities are from the garlic and only lend character to the finished product. This batch came out a bit tangy- I added some natural cactus sweetener and balance was achieved. The sauce is meant to slam garlic in your sinus and end with a tickling heat at the back of your throat. That part is great. I only made four bottles so I'll use them at home. The sauces are perfect as they are now if used as a marinade. Add a bit of sweetener and it transforms your pizza from church choir to death metal. The next batch will be perfect, I suspect- and I'll reveal the ingredients then. These bottles needed identity in my cupboard, so I dedicated them to my favorite game. I quick printed the label below and did a q&d job, but the seal is strong- no fading ink in the fridge.

If you ever played this game, you'll notice the map in the background; de_dust. I had to, it's a staple of Counter-Strike Source.

A little palette taunting is necessary:

Pizza and massive concentrations of garlic with a light kick on an already slightly spicy jalapeno pizza. O M G! This should be illegal.

Here you go.

2010-08-23T14:56:00.000-07:00

To all my peeps who want sauce, I have found a solution. While I'd love to mail them out for free, I just can't afford it. So many people asked! I am working so very hard on seeing my products to market. So- for those who reeeeally want sauce- I have set up a private store on my website. The link is:

http://www.johnnybaxley.com/p/hot-sauce-baby.html

~~It is password protected, and if you are my friend on facebook, You'll see the password there. You must have javascript enabled on your browser (it usually is by default) and it must be up to date~~.
I have removed password protection as the code was a little outdated and caused a few problems. Just know that it's private. To all my readers who do not know me personally, sorry- ya gotta wait for the supermarket version...

All orders shipped out within 24 hours, excluding Sunday. Shipping will be USPS priority mail (2-3 days). Google Secure Checkout is used and accepts all major credit cards. No Paypal, sorry. Please read the suggested information before placing your order.

Monies from any purchases pay for the production, supplies, shipping, and handling, so I don't make much of anything, and if I do, it goes back into the sauce pot. I have some 'design your own sauce' plans for the near future...

Little Red Savina Hood

2010-08-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

Made from intense Red Savina peppers, beautiful red chili peppers, balsamic vinegar, budweiser (I have some for company- I didn't buy it, it was free, in case you were wondering.), lemon juice, and spices, Little Red Savina Hood is a fiery treat. The color is a dark brown with even darker specks of mysterious foodstuff. While cooking it was straight-up BLACK. It has wonderful notes of citrus, with an underlying nutty prisoner, begging for escape. The tangy explosion in your cheeks only lasts for a moment, then the heat rains deathfire on your tongue. This is brief, however painful, and the flavor returns for a nice bittersweet finish. Don't eat too much, or you will die. I won't, but you will. I 'borrowed' an image from the internets, I hope I don't get sued. This is for personal use anyway, so whatever. It's just a beautiful comic book style drawing of LRRH and the wolf. Plus- she has nice boobs.

The light was bad in my house today and reflects in the picture. In 'real life' the label is vivid and cthe olors work really well.

Danger, Insanely Hot

2010-08-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

I just got some chili pepper extract, rated at THREE MILLION SHU. That's 3 times hotter than the hottest pepper in the world. My sauce, Last Caress is about 1.5 million SHU, So I'm going to make something that is just pure torture to the uninitiated.

Yippee!

2010-08-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

JBaxley's- the sophisticated brute's sauce. This is the new beta version of the logo. You like?

I have decided on a solid TEN sauces to show at an upcoming event. Seven of the ten I have produced already, but will be modified slightly (a good thing, I hope). Three are new sauces in the R&D stage. I can tell you that one is a GARLIC-based hot sauce, one is a BEER-based sauce, and one is a BBQ style hot sauce. I am excited. For this spectacular good time, I can not use peppers from my garden. All ingredients must be from an approved source (licensed, regulated, etc.).. No worries, I am purchasing the best of the best. The list of ingredients is insane. I hope this investment pays off! Thanks to ****, I will be producing ten to twelve gallons in a commercial kitchen. Any sauce I do bottle will be for my private reserve and for display only. You may find a bootleg bottle here or there, if you're lucky ;) I'll let you know the whens and wheres whens and wheres I find out.

Coming Soon

2010-08-15T15:28:00.000-07:00

Johnny, the man who brought you the lazy man's cookbook, Stove Top Stories, will be featuring his hot sauces at a major event in the next few weeks. His sauce incarnations include the mysterious and insanely hot 'ghost pepper', and unusual ingredients like dried beer, Pinot Noir, and bacon.

Persistence, dedication, and a love of food are three things that are propelling Johnny forward. After working as a mortician, security guard, and experiencing other odd professions, Johnny found his calling in the food and beverage industry. After ten years in the business it was only natural that he extend his passion into a real career.

From Johnny: "I am not stopping when the hot sauce is in its final phase- that is only beginning. I don't drink anymore, and must relieve my boredom the only way I know how- make shit."

Johnny Baxley's force majeure approach to the highly regulated and difficult to penetrate food world is not the only project he is focused on. He is currently working on a second book, about the service industry. He says it's a "whistle-blower's humorous insight" into the industry we only see while sitting down at our tables, "inhaling" our "food of questionable content."

-LM

Raver

2010-08-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

I had to do it. The underground now has its own hot sauce. Made with Jalapenos, Anaheims, Serranos, and Pinot Noir, this brew is is absolutely delicious. Medium heat overall, it grows over time and with further consumption, yet never seems to destroy the taste center completely. Dark and flat green in color, Raver Hot Sauce will make your mouth dance to the beat of the pulsating heat. Hehe. BTW- I have devised a solution to all those who want some sauce. Stay tuned.

Mexico Hangover

2010-08-10T07:26:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has been to Mexico probably knows what I'm talking about. I'm not saying that I want to make sauce that replicates the 'next day' experience! No, this sauce will excite you in an "OMFG what happened?" sense. Your blood starts flowing faster, your heartbeat strong and loud in your chest while you think about why you woke up in a dumpster wearing only a sombrero, mud caked on your face not unlike war paint of the jungle tribes, a tatooed hooker four times your age draped over you like a serape, and cotton balls between your toes. This is the sauce that leaves you feeling like that. The Mexico Hangover. A thin sauce with identifiable bits of pepper, and a bright orange color, it is made with red habaneros, lime juice, tequila, and that's about it. It's a kick in the junk, but tastes like a party.

HAB

2010-08-09T16:52:00.000-07:00

I decided to explore the raw pleasure of eating peppers, and bottle it. HAB is s simple Habanero puree from my garden to your plate. It contains only organic vegetable oil and xanthan gum for consistency and white vinegar for preservation. Easy. It is best used as an additive or a base. Or just dump half the bottle in your friend's coffee and prepare for a 'most watched' you tube extravaganza.

Last Caress

2010-08-09T16:40:00.000-07:00

Next up, Last Caress. If you know the song you will know why this sauce is dubbed so. It is PURE F#&*^#&* FIRE. This sauce is so hot, I have a waiver to sign if you try or buy it to cover my ass. I forgot what it tastes like, I just know it BURNS. Bhut Jolokias, and pure oleoresin capsaicin will have you drinking a gallon of milk and wishing you were dead. It turned out just as I planned. This chili extract sauce will make you beg for mercy. Keep that in mind when you eat it. DO NOT get this on your hands. I made that mistake yesterday and nearly took out my eye. It goes well in burritos, wings, chili, salsa, tacos, pizza, and nachos. use it to make your own hot sauce hotter. Really, it's hot.

DIRTY SOUTH

2010-08-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

Dirty South is just a name. The hot sauce contained beneath those words, however, is not an ordinary sauce. A beautiful yellow speckled with bits of black and red and orange is the final color. It is much darker during processing, and I was surprised to wake up and discover how bright the sauce looked in the morning light. Made with peaches, blue agave nectar, ginger, mustard seed, and habaneros, I have designated this as a dessert sauce. Sweet and slightly peachy and with the familiar habanero kick, this sauce would be delicious on ice cream, pie, or even fish tacos. I just put it on a spoon.

PIG IN A PEPPER

2010-08-09T11:00:00.000-07:00

There is already a bacon hot sauce, this is my version. An experiment of pork and spice. I used the infamous Bhut Jolokia, bottle-safe bacon, turmeric, Hungarian paprika, and some other shit. I'm no photographer, so the image below doesn't do any justice to the fine art wrapped around the glass. The label reads, "Pig in a Pepper". It didn't come out as bacon'ey' as I expected but the end result proved to be unique enough to process and store. The color is rich like raw flesh and the heat is intense and comes on as expected. Each bottle contains the equivalent of eight ghost peppers, diluted slightly. The taste may be a little to tangy for a swine-based sauce, but some peeps have already expressed great interest. I eat it for breakfast (with my regular food).

TAKESHI JO!

2010-08-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

Takeshi's Castle, a horribly addictive and disturbing gameshow, is the name that graces this bottle of Asian inspired sauce. Soy, wine, rice vinegar, and blue agave nectar lend a sweet and salty additive to your food while Thai and Japanese chilies provide a short but powerful punch in the cheeks and back of the throat.

IGNATIUS

2010-08-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

This is the first in a series of eight new sauces I have developed and will be sharing with you all throughout the day. The total so far:15 recipes- two of which have received acclamation from friends, family, and colleagues. The new eight have yet to be widely sampled. I have to decide on one single recipe to push into production. Of course, a new cookbook is in order if that happens... Working with Original Juan's of Kansas City is doable. Just need the MONEY! About three grand to get everything going for my first couple hundred gallons provided I have general liability insurance. That is 10k a year I can not part with. A new roof for the decrepit shake shack (my house) takes priority. Any suggestions on GL insurance are appreciated and straight up donations, or investments are encouraged! Send all checks to the website's P.O. Box and we'll sign some contracts together! I will also have some info on how to get your own bottle soon enough, as the personal reserve is getting full. On to the good stuff....................

Ignatius is a Cajun-style sauce... A confederacy of peppers, if you will. A little heavy on the salt, with basic ingredients makes this concoction a delightful and classic accompaniment to seafood, wings, or pizza.

Small Harvest

2010-08-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, today's harvest is thin. The heat is not helping my poor fruit ripen. The sun scalds my mature green peppers and for the unlucky ones, it means a week or two longer before they ripen. I did get some insanely large picks last week- about 3/4 of a paper grocery bag full. I have so many peppers some are falling off and drying out (instead of rotting, thank goodness- look at the shriveled Serrano). The only peppers thriving in the 100 degree heat are the Thai peppers. They are ripening every hour.

Sweet Summer Treat

2010-08-02T14:56:00.000-07:00

What's the best summer sweet treat you ask? Why, chocolate made with hot peppers, of course! Keeping them out of the heat is a chore, but well worth it. I whipped up some 95% dark chocolate with ancho chili peppers. I also made some Ancho/Bhut Jolokia chocolate, for an extra kick. It's yummy! I like. It's not the best looking chocolate, but I'm not big on making sweets, so my skill level is near the bottom. I do, however, get the job done. The taste, ultimately, is what matters- and it is delicious. My hot peppers are HOT. I love it.

NEW BATCH

2010-07-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

Another week, another case. I wanted to do more, but I'm waiting on my container shipment. I am excited about this sauce. I named it beautiful destroyer for the palette and the burn. The sauce is also represented by Shiva, Indian god of destruction and sensuality. It is a lovely blend of red peppers, habaneros, Bhut Jolokia peppers, celery, onions, a dash of this, and a dash of that. The color is a deep, rich red achieved by the red peppers and the addition of Xanthan gum which also aids in proper consistency. The smoky bouquet really somehow manages to penetrate the unavoidable vinegar aroma. I didn't want to make it dangerous, so I only used about thirty pods for six bottles. It is possible to eat a lot of this sauce in small amounts of say....1/2 teaspoon at a time ( if you pace yourself). The tongue is sharp and sour and hints of spring vegetables and truck stops. The heat is amazing. I love how the simultaneous numbing and burning can provide exquisite agony in your mouth. Watch those eyes, it takes much scrubbing if you get any on your hands. I like the gaudy yet regal art of India, and I tried to convey that on the label. I have a general release of liability for people to sign if they even want to try this.

Each bottle comes with a chili chart-

I have stapled a dehydrated Bhut Jolokia pod on the back of each chart. What a deal!

MULLET 2.0 Redux

2010-07-30T12:57:00.000-07:00

The weakest sauce I made was the most popular (at least with the women and the sensitive-types). I made another version of Mullet 2.0 because...well....it's just not that hot. This is a smooth blend of the Jalapeno mash I produced a few weeks ago. This sauce remains the same as the mash save the addition of crushed red chilis, and a deseeding and evisceration of the jalapenos and Poblanos. It has even less spice kick than the mash did. A brutal assault of lime will come first, then a trace of unknown peppers. You may get small stabs of heat in your cheeks, but the lime will overpower that sensation faster than you can say, "Yahtzee!"

Don't try this at home.

2010-07-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

I just bit into one of my Bhut Jolokia peppers. About two square millimeters.. It has a wonderful smoky bouquet and a similar taste. It is still burning my tongue. This pepper is FIRE. I am going to get a gallon of milk today so I can eat a whole one. On camera. Yep. I will have a limited supply of sauce by Friday; around six bottles of the jolokia sauce. I will also have my Mullet 2.0, smooth blend, instead of the mash, and possibly one or two bottles of a heterogeneous mixture of several varieties. A supply shipment will arrive on Monday, and I will be producing another 30-60 bottles next week.

VOTE ON MY NEXT LABEL

2010-07-27T19:53:00.000-07:00

Please click on each image to see a larger version.

I will have a small batch of this by Friday. MMMM.

Sauce Sample

2010-07-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

Testing out my new sauce. Yum.

Ristra

2010-07-22T14:18:00.000-07:00

I decided to make a few Ristras. I tested the atmosphere in my house with one pepper and it's drying like a champ. It takes about 3 weeks to see the major progression but it's worth it. I want peppers year round and my kitchen to express a bold clash of modernism and primitive food cultivation. I love dried peppers - they loose little flavor or heat when dried and can remain in this state until they disintegrate. Some are more challenging to rehydrate yet all are capable of it. Now I want to do this with all of my peppers! I should have enough to make many strings of drying pods, I can barely keep up with using the daily harvest. This is a small Ristra, about 15" long with Thai, Hungarian Wax, Cayenne, Red Savina, and Naga Jolokia peppers. I usually give my produce away but this year I'm greedy!

Simple Heat

2010-07-21T22:45:00.000-07:00

The third sauce this week is called Simple Heat, a very thin mixture made with Habaneros, orange juice, garlic, and other goodies. No vodka this time... It has a honeydew melon mouth feel with a candy-laced smoothie tongue. The heat is fast and intense, sometimes surprising you with the sensation of inhaling noxious fumes from a chemical weapon factory, however, the fruit rounds out the heat in an odd, yet appropriate finish. After diluting my pepper puree, my initial estimates at heat turned out to be a tad high. This sauce is only about 250-300,000 Scoville units. Still hot enough to make you cry with pain, but not me.

I touched my eyes about an hour after making the sauce, and almost ripped out my eyeball. Oil from the pepper's intestines will spread like poison ivy if you don't watch out. After a few years of making peppers I have become bold enough to not use gloves, and oily ocular occasions like tonight force me to reconsider my lethargic tendencies toward latex protection. That being said, I thought it might be a swell idea to add a warning label to the bottle. You can't see it very well as the failing light wasn't enough to illuminate the white font and the flash just produces glare. Basically, it warns of a hazard to your mucous membranes...

I can't wait for my Red Savinas to ripen. I'm looking at a rum based hot sauce with sugar, lime juice, and 500,000 Scovilles of nice, blistering heat. I am even happier about my upcoming Bhut Jolokias. Once they turn that magic color on the plant, I will harvest, and try to add some flavor to the increasingly popular Ghost Pepper sauce, although, at over ONE MILLION Scoville units, I don't think it's possible. Overall, I am happy with the production these past few weeks, over four flavors, loads of peppers, and varying levels of heat (as defined by me, and Mr. Scoville). Cheers.

Mullet 2.0

2010-07-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

Mullet 2.0, Jalapeno Mash, is the second batch I made last night. It is a simple and classic sauce with a jalapenos and poblanos. It has a distinct lime aroma and intense tangy tang. Being a mild pepper, the jalapeno is well suited to enhance the refreshing citrus fruit tongue by adding a balancing spice kick. Since it is a mash, and a sauce, it is a thick-and-thin suspension. I added the choker (a limiter..that small cap that restricts flow found on most hot sauces) so one may enjoy the pure liquid form or if the choker is removed, the mash can occupy your food as well. (MORE BELOW)

I always thought Emo kids were idiots, wearing their sisters' pants, making out with dudes and claiming that they're straight. Reeeally. The worst part about them is the hair. I saw it somewhere while randomly browsing my favorite mullet sites- The Emo haircut is just the Mullet 2.0. I named the sauce after the Emo haircut aka Mullet 2.0 because...well... it's just not that hot.

Between this batch and the last I have made 28 bottles in just under a week and have barely touched my pepper supply. I imagine it could be a 300 bottle summer. Woohoo! Next month is Jerky Month... better get busy.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

2010-07-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

I brewed some saucy sauce last night. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, named for the pint of whiskey used to make it, the Whiskey Tango label theme, and for saying, "Whiskey tango foxtrot!" after you taste it. It has a very sharp citrus tongue with acidic undertones and a spice attack that seems as if it is slowly creeping down the back of your throat and then surprises you with beserker style in your cheeks and the roof of your mouth. (MORE BELOW)

Where else would you find bullets and chicks with machine guns? America baby, America.

The nutrition facts are pretty close, but by no means 100% accurate. I analyzed the recipe and got this nifty label from nutritiondata.com. I think it makes a nice addition to the label.

Want Sauz?

2010-07-18T15:45:00.000-07:00

Sunday Sauce Day. I have about 3 pounds of poblanos, serranos, jalapenos, red chilis and Thai peppers fully ripened. My habaneros, cayennes, Japanese red chilis, cherry peppers, rainbow peppers, red savinas, and scotch bonnets are not ready, unfortunately. I estimate about 1 month before they are ready for harvest. I will be picking them sporadically before then, to encourage fruit production, and because I love the crispy experience that an unripened pepper lends to my mouth- so I'll have some surprise micro batches (3-7 bottles at a time) to tease the taste buds. Today I'm looking at 20-30 bottles, maybe less, maybe more. I juts love how fast I can pump these bottles out. The base flavor I aim for will remain as the primary sensation throughout the life of the bottle, yet the complexities of ingredients dancing together are evident as time passes. I can not legally sell this until I have a 'clean kitchen' to produce and process food under strict requirements, although I will gladly accept donations. Woot!

Almost Hot Sauce Time

2010-07-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

Eager for my peppers to ripen, I whipped up a few bottles of an Asian style hot sauce. It is made with unripened Thai chili peppers, brown sugar, white wine, rice vinegar, ginger, and other spices. It has some heat, but as a Habanero sauce fanatic, I would say that the heat is mild, and intensifies the more you consume. Hot peppers vary in flavor and heat from green to their fully ripened state, and when you should harvest them is entirely up to your palette.

Author Seeks Author

2010-07-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

I am looking for someone to write a preface to my next book. You must be familiar with the service industry and be able to provide some insight into the psychological aspects of etiquette, from centuries ago to modern society. You must also be familiar with me. If you feel up to the task, let me know. The benefits are: 1. Seeing your written work in print. 2. Mad props in the acknowledgments 3. Your name will be mentioned in some advertising unless you diced against it. 4. You will be involved in the proofing process as it pertains to your preface, or more if you so desire. - You will receive a proof of every revision. 5. You will receive twenty (20) copies of the first print run. 6. If the book reaches certain contractually agreed upon sales figures, you will receive a royalty payment.

First Vegetable

2010-07-11T17:24:00.000-07:00

Can you name this vegetable? Yes, it is a type of squash. No it is not Italian Striped. That's all you are getting. This is the first one I grew, I didn't even know it was there for a few days.

Wired and Wired Less

2010-07-02T22:13:00.000-07:00

With the reassurance of my friend Chris, I have successfully set up my camera server. Although it's old, it works and will reset on every crash. I have three cameras (two of them working as a beta test) and will add approximately four more. This surveillance system is broadcast live over http and comes with a capable, if not impressive, motion detection algorithm. Even if thieves break in and steal the server, I will have recorded evidence in the cloud. All angles in my house are covered. The coolest aspect of this new system is: I can remotely view all my cameras over 3g via cellphone. Any browser enabled phone. Woot! I am also going to set up a housecam for my dog and daily activities (on a limited time slot). This is, after all, my blog. Although the powers that be want me to promote my book, I can't help but share the fun and joy I experience with technology. Don't worry, you'll still get any applicable news about the current and soon-to-be-published work.

Win7 writer

2010-06-22T23:54:00.001-07:00

I am testing out Windows 7 Writer, a desktop blogging editor that is part of the Windows Live Essentials download.

This is a neat little polaroid picture plugin. Unfortunately, my template is heavily modded but it seems that the editing, although painful, produces solid results.

I can see how this would be a great platform for all your blogging needs. I wish I could use it!

DONE and DONE

2010-06-18T12:26:00.000-07:00

If you read my book, or you know me, you might have gathered that I had some serious court fines. They are now paid off. I am free and clear. Six months to go, and I will reacquire my license and go vehicle shopping. I really loved my Mazda Tribute, it was the best vehicle I ever owned. If I can find another one with leather seats for my asking price, I will buy it. If my book is released in time, I will go shopping for an expensive ride. Corvette? Bugatti Veyron?

CSSG!

2010-06-15T17:12:00.000-07:00

We here at JOHNNYBAXLEY.COM want to thank Counter-Strike: Source Gamers for advertising Johnny's book. We hope you'll purchase a copy.

Windows 7

2010-06-14T17:46:00.000-07:00

I have finally decided to do it. I always wait about a year after an OS is released to actually implement it. One exception may be Windows ME. I took that retooled P.O.S. and chucked it out of the door as soon as I saw it.

Goodbye trusty XP. I will keep Vista on my media center box, as runs like a champ. Two years passed without incident with Vista. I am building a test 64 bit system for my particular version before I make a permanent switch. And as I see only minimal rootkit traces- I shall be saving a windows XP OS disc for backup, and perhaps nostalgia...

Where's the Book?

2010-06-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

More places found carrying Stove Top Stories, Recipes for the Pseudo-cook Inspired by the Hedonistic Lifestyle of a Slacker.

INDIA PLAZA

That's right, for 580 Rupees you can buy your copy in India.

PENGUIN KITCHENS

Cool stuff for your kitchen.

GADGETS FOR KITCHENS
Gadgets for your kitchen?

Tipping

2010-06-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

This is from a series of adverts I used to display when running a live multimedia trivia event in bars. I liked to encourage patrons and players to tip their servers and bartenders. All events occurred in Kansas. I thought this was appropriate. -jb

Kindle Edition Available

2010-06-05T11:06:00.000-07:00

Stove Top Stories, Recipes for the Pseudo-cook Inspired by the Hedonistic Lifestyle of a Slacker, is now available in a Kindle Edition, priced at $1.99. Don't own a Kindle? You can still read the digital version. Get Kindle for the Blackberry, Kindle for the PC, or Kindle for the iPad. The print edition of Stove Top Stories is still recommended, as the digital conversion can not replicate the undeniable perfection of print, however- your preference is still the most important.

Look Inside

2010-06-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

Amazon.com and its 'look inside' feature has been added to Stove Top Stories. As the author was unable to select which text is displayed in this feature, he hopes that you will use the full resources of the book's page on Amazon in your purchasing decision. While the 'look inside' option is wonderful, it often gives away important endings, exposes the reader to detail that may spoil a scene or chapter, shows blank pages, and otherwise worthless information. When all is said and done, we here at JOHNNYBAXLEY.COM are still happy with the feature, and hope you are too.

Jeffrey C. Nolan,

Public Relations Manager

Database Propagating

2010-06-02T10:40:00.000-07:00

Stove Top Stories, is now listed in the ISBNDB - it's like the IMDB for books.

ISBN: 1452826692

EAN-13: 9781452826691

Look it up!

Books Ready to GO!

2010-06-01T21:39:00.000-07:00

We are pleased to announce that JOHNNYBAXLEY.COM is officially open for business. We received our first production shipment of Stove Top Stories, Recipes for the Pseudo-cook Inspired by the Hedonistic Lifestyle of a Slacker. It is a modest amount, about one hundred books, and we are expecting to order more within the following weeks. To order yours, please look to the right of this post, in the center column and add one to your shopping cart! For cash customers, please email support@johnnybaxley.com. Kansas City cash customers - please state your location in your email.

Elias Goldman,
Sales Manager

More Retailers

2010-05-29T09:59:00.000-07:00

There are many options for you, reader. You can find the retailer and price that suits your needs. Available internationally, ex-patriots and other English-speaking foreigners now have a chance to read this little gem.

Amazon.com - http://www.amazon.com/Stove-Top-Stories-Pseudo-cook-Hedonistic/dp/1452826692/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275151440&sr=1-1
Barnes and Noble - http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Stove-Top-Stories/Johnny-Baxley/e/9781452826691/?itm=1&USRI=stove+top+stories
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Amazon Canada - http://www.amazon.ca/exec/obidos/ASIN/1452826692/ref=nosim/comparandfind-20
Amazon U.K. - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Stove-Top-Stories-Johnny-Baxley/dp/1452826692/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1275105471&sr=8-1
Amazon France - http://www.amazon.fr/exec/obidos/ASIN/1452826692/ref=nosim/bookfinder4u-21
Amazon Germany - http://www.amazon.de/exec/obidos/ASIN/1452826692/ref=nosim/bookfinderf05-21
Amazon Japan - http://www.amazon.co.jp/exec/obidos/ASIN/1452826692/ref=nosim/bookfinder4u-22
Abebooks.com - http://www.abebooks.com/servlet/SearchResults?y=0&isbn=1452826692&x=0&sortby=2&cm_ven=PFX&cm_cat=affiliates&cm_pla=links&cm_ite=k44983&afn_sr=gan&pfxid=a_341034772
Biggerbooks.com - http://www.biggerbooks.com/bk_detail.aspx?referrer=bbcj&AID=9467039&PID=1408513&SID=feff3bd4-16fb-4da8-9a3d-6b2ff145fef9&ISBN=9781452826691
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Powell's Books - http://www.powells.com/biblio?PID=27415&cgi=product&isbn=1452826692